Just for fun:

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant 

Who was very rarely stable

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar 

Who could drink you under the table
David Hume could out-consume 

Schopenhauer and Hegel

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine 

Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya 'bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently pissed

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will

On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill

Plato, they say, could stick it away

Half a crate of whisky every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle

Hobbes was fond of his dram
And René Descartes was a drunken fart: 

'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yet Socrates himself is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed!

Thank you Monty Python.